DIFFERENT OPINIONS, ATTITUDES, CUSTOMS, HABITS
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These comments were gathered from discussions on the AATG listserv and do not represent exclusively my opinions or experiences. Not all Germans will do the things listed below nor will every family have the same customs, but these are some things that seem to be fairly common among Germans and that might seem "different" to foreigners visiting Germany for the first time. Some of this is also just silly, so enjoy it for what it's worth. More at spiele_germans.htm. Alle Angaben sind wie immer ohne Gewähr!
EATING and COPING AT THE DINNER TABLE
Eat your fries with the little fork - sometimes with mayonaise instead of ketchup
Don't put your left hand in your lap when you eat.
Watch what other people do at the table before you dig in.
Food/drink - the coffee is super-strong and the bread can be hard (but it is supposed to be that way!)
Germans don't put their hand on their lap while eating. Looks like you are giving the food to the dog, I've been told.
Don't help yourself from the refrigerator or take a soft drink without asking
Do not whine about the food. Try everything. You will not starve.
Make sure you say "das schmeckt" - it tastes good.
When eating or drinking together, wait until someone says Guten Appetit or wants to "anstossen" (click glasses to say "cheers". Also look into their eyes, when doing so. These are small details, but important!
RESTAURANTS
Notice on the menu if the tip is included.
Don't expect ice cubes in cola, you need to ask for it.
There are NO free refills on drinks.
The basket of bread on the table costs extra
Feel free to sit with strangers in a restaurant, once you determine ob hier noch frei ist
You also have to order water extra (Still oder mit Kohlensaeure) and pay extra.
And, of course, no icecubes! Crunch up a few cubes to get a horrified reaction
If you cross your knife and fork on your plate, it means you are just pausing. If you lay your knife and fork side by side, it means you are finished, and the waiter may come and take your plate away from under your nose.
Doggiebags are still mostly unknown but feeding your dog under the table and asking for a bowl of water is no problem in most restaurants (some now have signs with a picture of a dog and "Ich muss draussen bleiben").
SHOPPING
Don't expect people to bag your groceries in the supermarkets.
WalMart scrapped German expansion - Germans mistrust U.S. version of customer-oriented, ultra-friendly service
You should also bring your own bag, if you don't want to pay extra in some places.
Does one still have to ask if one may look around when one goes into a smaller shop?
There is no line at the bakery or the butchers
HOMES
Close the doors. Keeps the heat in the room and prevents drafts - Es zieht!
Turn off lights and close doors behind you.
Do not enter a closed door without knocking
Slippers - you might have to take off your shoes at the door
Don't call from private homes without really double checking how to pay them back.
Don' t take 20-minute showers. Find out beforehand how the shower works. Most Germans don't shower every day.
Don't ask for the Badezimmer (bathroom) if what you need it the Toilette!
Find out how the door handles and locks work.
Stay off the phone and the Internet unless you ask permission
If one visits a private home, do they have the wall of books? For me, that's a dead giveaway that they are middle class. They must think it strange that so many American homes do not have the wall of books; no wonder they think we are ignorant and unintellectual.
BUSSES AND TRAINS
Offer older people a seat on the bus.
Greet the people in your train compartment. The same goes for small restaurants and especially hotel dining rooms.
Do not get on a bus/U- bahn without a ticket. Use the Entwerter (ticket validator).
Ask which bus/U-bahn stop to get off at and how to get home from there
LAUNDRY - CLOTHES
Don't try your wet laudry on the hotel's furniture.
You do not have to have a different outfit for every day! Or bathe!
It takes a while for things to dry, if the family doesn't use a dryer.The laundry is often boiled in a lengthy washing process, so some do their laundry infrequently to save energy.
FLOWERS
Flowers: Give an uneven number. E.g. A dozen roses is one too many and bad luck.
When you visit someone with a Mitbringsel in the form of a nice bouquet, make sure you dispose of the wrapper before presenting the flowers, otherwise your hostess will look at you as though you've handed her a dead rat.
SHAKING HANDS
For young students: Always wait for the older generation to offer their hand first. Male: Always wait for the female to offer her hand first.
Don't forget to stand up to shake hands with people!
Shake hands with someone you meet . Also when departing especially and definately with people who are older.
PERSONAL SPACE - IN PUBLIC and WAITING IN LINE
When in public, there is no private space. When in private - it is huge. Let me explain. When in line, on a street-car, or other crowded place, your personal space starts on the inside of your clothes. (very disconcerting to American males when a matronly Oma leans her chest into your back). The way to keep your place in line when someone gets close is to NOT back away, since that gives them permission to move on up (ahead of you), but rather put your weight on your foot closest to that person (for an American this feels like leaning back into the leaner).
When in private, each person's home is their castle. NOTHING is allowed to infringe: especially no noise. Even if you are a concert pianist, playing an etude after 8pm is a terrible faux-pas. Boom boxes readily identify the "ugly American," as does yelling in city streets, etc.
Don't be surprised if someone bumps into you and does not say "Entschuldigung." (excuse me)
Some germans have a different sense of space - you may feel like they are getting too 'close', or in your face, literally.
People in Austria and Germany do not line up. Push forward, just like they do, if you want to get on the bus, etc.
Feel free to blow your nose anywhere
When in line, on a street-car, or other crowded place, your personal space starts on the inside of your clothes.
Just a word of caution. If someone is too close to you in a form of public transportation, they could be a pickpocket. A man with his coat draped over his arm got up very close to me in a streetcar. I backed away from him and gave him a strange look. He jumped off at the next stop. I then realized that my "fanny pack" was partially unzipped. A loss of funds, barely avoided!.
Staring - generally accepted as long as person staring is just watching passing traffic (e.g. from a window, at a cafe, etc.). If it bothers you that you are being stared at, say hello to the person staring. They will probably quickly stare in a different direction.
Do not expect total strangers to smile at you and nod hello. My students always wonder why people in Europe do not do that. I point out that smiling/eye contact can be indications that you want something from the other person.
Same goes for traffic; if there is a break - go for it. (careful when pedestrian vs. car - the car ALWAYS wins, even if the driver is jailed). An example of this is: if you are at a cross walk and a car COULD stop for you (in other words, speed is reduced, the driver seems attentive), indicate your intent to step out - but DON"T establish eye contact (just watch carefully out of the corner of your eye, to make sure the car DOES slow down!). In Switzerland, kids are taught to put their hand out (as if taking a large step) to give warning to any driver that they are about to walk across (at the cross walk!!).
Getting to your seat at a concert/theatre: If you have to get by people who are already seated: turn to face them as you squeeze by. It is rude to stick your backside in their faces.
On the street/sidewalk: watch out for cyclists! They have the right of way on the marked paths. If they ring their bell, they are not being obnoxious, just cautious.
Assertiveness is key. If two people are equally assertive, the one who was there first gets dibs (when pushing in line, know who was there before you; don't yield to anyone else, unless you really want to). Manners is manners.
MISCELLANEOUS
Learn to ride a bike before you go
Do not sit down on the sidewalk or on the floor or in any other public place ( such as the Pergamon)
Expect to be talked about as if you weren't there and as if you didn't understand
Ask questions. Make friends with the older relatives.
Be aware that you are the guest . It is your job to fit in, not theirs to conform to you.
Do not ask questions such as " how much is that in real money?"
Be prepared to see dogs in restaurants, on the streetcars and busses, in church, etc.
Some Germans expect you to chew gum and put your feet on the table, so don't disappoint them.
To annoy a German, tell them that they copied Neuschwanstein from the Disney Castle
You'll occasionally be told in no uncertain terms that something is American, when you've never heard of it.
Don't be surprised when Germans correct your English!
If you want to practice german, you might need to ask specifically for Germans to speak German with you, otherwise they will use the opportunity to practice their english! If they speak dialect, ask them nicely for Hochdeutsch - most can speak it!
ARGUING - TOUGH QUESTIONS
Be prepared to answer questions about the American political system/situation.Arguing is not necessarily a personal attack. Germans can go tooth and nail at each other without becoming beleidigt (offended), so don't back down.
And - from several students - be prepared to be asked where you keep your gun.
Be prepared to be asked a question about the US and to be told that your answer is wrong! My best example is a former student ( Miss X) who went on a Congress-Bundestag college award for six months after graduating early. She called me at three AM because she was so mad! She had a wonderful time except for her work situation. A secretary in her office asked her how many states there were in the US. Fifty, she said. No, you're wrong, said the secretary. Miss X, being Miss X, named all 50 states in alphabetical order WITH their capitals. You forgot Puerto Rico and Washington DC, said the secretary. Miss X -having been through this before, and being a good polite Southern girl - smiled sweetly and said " you know, you need to write a letter to somebody in Washington about that so that they can put another two stars on the flag!"
Americans (and Brits) are raised to be nice. Germans are not. This isn't negative, just reality. I try to tell my kids not to take it personally when they get negative criticism. My prime example is the gun issue. You are going to be asked about this, I say, and getting steamed up and defensive is not going to get you anywhere. Make sure you can talk about it from the historical perspective. I don't care what your personal opinion is. Make sure you know what the Constitution says. The German kids know only what they see on TV. And it is indisputable that the US has far more gun-related deaths - suicide, homicide or accident - than any other " civilized" country. Be prepared to say why. Don't just sit there with your mouth flapping like a fish.
My second best example is a black girl who went on the GAPP trip. She had to fight her entire family to let her go, and again she had a wonderful time with her host family. But I was present in the history class - taught by an alter 68-er - when a kid did a Referat (report) on the position of blacks in the US today. My kid stood it as long as she could, and then raised her hand. Excuse me, she said in imperfect but comprehensible German, my parents are both college professors and I am not anybody's Putzfrau (cleaning woman). Nobody in my family is in jail and neither I nor my brothers play basketball. ( This kid went to Yale and is now in veterinarian school, both on full scholarship.)
Wall Street Journal. August 11, 20001.German Nation Looks back fondly on the Deutsche Mark as its Successor, the Euro looms: "In Germany, Europe's biggest economy, worries about the eruo range from the value of collector's coins to possible allergies from the metal in the new coins."
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